Part 28: Indianapolis

I woke up around noon Saturday and checked my phone. There were no text messages from Bareback. Maybe he was still asleep. Maybe the stripper killed him in his sleep. I got showered and did some work on the computer. An hour later, Bareback texted me that he was outside in the parking lot smoking a cigarette. I went downstairs to meet him and asked him if he banged the stripper he took back to the hotel. It turns out he did not score. He claimed he made out with her and felt her up, but she would not go for sex. He felt she played him for a free night’s hotel stay. She lived in the Chicago suburbs and was working at Dancers Show Club for the afternoon.

We got in my rig, and I drove to the Chick-fil-A in Avon, which was packed on a Saturday afternoon. I had Chick-fil-A cards for free grilled nuggets, so I treated my friend to lunch. We hit an ATM on the way back to the Crowne Plaza. Bareback Jack wanted to go relax in the hot tub for an hour and take a nap. I did some work on my websites and took a shower.

Around 17:00, we reconvened and went over to Fountain Square to barhop. We had a beer at Imbibe, and then went to B’s Po Boy for dinner and more beer.

After dinner, Bareback wanted to see more of the Circle City’s flesh factories, so we made a stroll over to Classy Chassy. I had not been there since November 2012 when I had a very disappointing visit. Between 2012 and 2016, not much had changed. The dancer line-up on Saturday’s night shift did not impress us. I got a couple lackluster dances from an inked redhead named Charlie. The slow and sensual lap dance style is just not my cup of tea. Bareback Jack bumped into a trucker while smoking outside who was staying at the Quality Inn across the road by the truck stop. He explained to Bareback that he was trying to get stripper to come to his hotel room, but was not having any luck. Bored, we took off and headed over to Silk.

I had not been to Silk since September 2012. The club was slightly better than I had remembered, only because there were two 9’s working. Bareback was able to flag down one of them for lap dances. She was tame and told my friend that she could get him drugs if he wanted any, because her boyfriend was a drug dealer. Being horny, Bareback took a significantly less beautiful dancer back for dances. She gave him all the contact that he wanted and offered even more in the VIP room. He declined because she was not good-lucking enough to drop several hundred on.

Around midnight, we agreed that Dancers Show Club was the best option to close out our weekend in Indianapolis. It was midnight, and we needed to get more airplane bottles en route to Dancers. We were worried all the liquor stores were already closed. We were finally able to find a liquor store in the Mars Hill neighborhood that was still open. It also happened to have over one hundred varieties of airplane bottles. From there, we trucked over to Dancers.

We started out by ordering a hydrant that had one hundred ounces of Budweiser. That only lasted about ninety minutes. We kept taking turns going to the washroom to down miniature bottles of alcohol. We only brought in enough nips to avoid suspicion. As the night wore on, each of us would have to make trips out to my vehicle to reload our pockets. The Czech dancer Bareback had slept in the same bed with last night was working. Bareback Jack learned that the Czech was not 26 like she told had him, but she was actually 36 years old. Not only that, but Bareback felt scammed by her coming to his hotel room and not letting him penetrate her holes. Bareback Jack made a point to pretend like she did not exist.

I saw an athletic brunette on stage at one point, so I went up to tip her. Some short dork was already sitting at the stage with a Jackson in hand, but she seemed to ignore him, giving me attention for almost her entire stage set. When she gets off stage, she immediately asks me if I want to do lap dances with her. “Absolutely,” I said. The lap dances were great and this dancer, whom I will leave unnamed to protect the innocent, started French kissing me. I was in heaven. In my euphoric state, I gave her a mini bottle of peach schnapps from my jacket, which she brazenly chugged in view of all the cameras in the lap dance area. She said she would not get in trouble for it. On the fourth song, another dancer, Olivia, walked into our booth and started whispering something in my private dancer’s ear. From what I can overhear, the dancer’s regular was upset she ignored him at the stage, and he sent Olivia to tell my dancer to come to his booth immediately. I am getting pissed because I have never had another dancer interrupt a lap dance before. After the fourth song, my dancer tells me she needs to go to her regular customer. I told her it was okay and that she needed to keep her regular customers. She said she does not like the short guy and would prefer to keep giving me more private dances. She took a whole song to get back dressed and we French kissed some more. She gave me her real name and told me to add her as a friend on Facebook. She did not seem like a cutthroat stripper and had not been doing it very long.

I return to my table and sit with Bareback Jack, watching the dancer in the booth of the dorky regular. He appeared to be whining about being slighted, then stormed out of the club with his Polo shirt-wearing entourage, making a scene like the stripper made a fool out of him in front of his friends. The dancer disappeared to the dressing room, and likely went home after that as it was 3am and I did not see her on the floor for the rest of the night. In retrospect, I should have followed the regular out of the club and beat him and his frat boy crew all over the icy parking lot.

Part 27: Indianapolis

I left work early Friday afternoon and headed down to Indianapolis. The previous weekend, Bareback Jack was not able to drive in from Cincinnati, so we agreed to meet in Indy the following weekend. I bought two hotel rooms for two nights at my go to hotel in Indianapolis, the Crowne Plaza, for $235 total. I arrived around 5pm, but Bareback was still en route. He finally arrived about 7:30pm.

Bareback said he had never eaten at a Tilted Kilt before, so we agreed to go downtown for dinner. The waitresses were smoking hot, and the food was decent enough too. We had a few beers, then decided to do some barhopping downtown. I suggested we head to the Slippery Noodle a few blocks down Meridian. The Noodle is the oldest continuously operating bar in the state of Indiana. It has been operating for 166 years! When we got there, they were charging a $10 cover because there was a blues show going on. We didn’t want to pay a cover for just a beer or two, so we turned around and headed back up Meridian to Tiki Bob’s. It looked to be a good spot because there were some sexy bartenders inside. The bouncers at the door told me that I could not wear my ball cap inside and that I would have to put it in my car. I was not going to bow down to their dress code, so we kept walking. Eventually, we wound up at Yard House, a bar with over one hundred beers on tap. Nothing overly exciting was going on at the Yard House other than beer snobs glorifying craft beer, so we decided to retreat to Dancers Show Club out by the airport to enjoy some peelers.

Recalling my experience the prior weekend where I was quoted an exorbitant price for a Jager Bomb, I pulled into the Valero just down the street from the strip club and suggested to Bareback that we grab some airplane bottles before going to the female flesh emporium. I purchased miniature bottles of Jagermeister, Kraken, Malibu, and Southern Comfort. Bareback purchased cigarettes, mini bottles, and a 375 mL flask of Fireball.

We snuck the party favors into the club in our jackets. Since the club was rigged with cameras everywhere, the only place we could drink them was in the one place that was not being recorded: the washroom. Bareback and I would take turns making trips to the washroom to slam the miniature bottles while the other would hold down the table. We’d discard the nips in the urinals. By the end of the night, the urinals were filled with miniature liquor bottles.

We both got a few lap dances and tipped the stage. Bareback Jack hit it off with a Czech dancer. He was trying to get her to meet him for OTC. She agreed and said she would meet him after closing time at the Steak ‘n Shake. We closed the club at 4am and headed to the Steak ‘n Shake. The stripper showed up and joined us at a booth. She had told Bareback that she was 26, but I had known that was a lie in the dark club and an even bigger lie in the well-lit restaurant. I would not have even tipped this chick a buck on stage, but Bareback had his beer goggles on. We ordered food. Bareback and the Czech stripper talked about all kind of stupid stuff for the next hour. I actually fell asleep in my side of the booth and was woken up when the two of them were finally ready to head to the hotel. Bareback rode with me, and the stripper followed us in her Honda Fit back to the Crowne Plaza. I gave Bareback Jack a wink on the elevator. He went with the stripper up to his third floor room, while I headed to my fourth floor room to get a much needed night of sleep.

Part 26: Indianapolis

I woke up around noon, hungover and hungry. I had a stack of Chick-fil-A cards in my rig offering free grilled nuggets, so I decided to save some cash and drive down Washington Street to the Chick-fil-A in Avon. I had never been to a Chick-fil-A before and don’t even really like chicken, but the nuggets I had were very good. The quality of the food definitely separates Chick-fil-A from other fast food chains like McDonald’s and Subway.

On my way back east down Washington, I stopped back into Dancers Show Club to sample the day shift. There were seven dancers working and maybe only one or two other customers at 2pm in the afternoon. Most of the dancers had visible signs of childbirth, which is a big turnoff for me. I was still a little hungry after my free lunch, so I ordered a Philly cheese steak and drank a beer. I got a couple good lap dances from the one dancer that was not wrecked by having a kid, and then decided to go back to the Crowne Plaza.

After checking my emails and showering, I drove over to Fountain Square to meet Don. We had arranged to meet at a restaurant I frequent in Indianapolis called B’s Po Boy. They serve New Orleans-style sandwiches and food. Don and I discussed plans for our overseas trip in three weeks. I showed him some items he would need to buy before the trip, and we completed some hotel and transportation reservations. When we were through, Don invited me to go to a minor league hockey game in Indianapolis. I did not even know Indy had a hockey team. I declined because I thought watching a hockey game would have been boring.

I decided to hit the Pendleton Pike to check out Harem House. There was only one dancer working, Ariel. She was in her thirties and looked rough. She told me she just had a baby a month ago and used to drive a truck before becoming a stripper. There also appeared to be a black stripper in street clothes, but she was drunk and mumbling at the bar. I decided to leave the dead club and head over to its sister club down the street to Babes.

I decided to stop at Thornton’s on the way to use their ATM. There were aggressive panhandlers harassing every customer who exited the mini mart. I waited until another customer left, a distraction for the beggars, and ran like hell back to my vehicle. After I got in, they started rushing toward me, hoping I’d give them something as I was backing out of my parking space.

Babes Showgirls was more lively than its sister club, and there were a couple diamonds in the rough worth pursuing. I got ten private dances from a 23 year old dancer named Ana. She is a petite brunette with glasses. The grinding was good, and at one point she kicked it into high gear, rapidly banging her clit into my dick for five or six minutes straight. She shook for awhile and claimed to have had an orgasm. If it was an act, she had me fooled. Around midnight she went outside for a smoke and upon returning went over to an old guy who must be her regular. For the next forty minutes, she sat at the bar talking to the geriatric. Whatever. I slipped out and headed back to the Crowne Plaza.

I thought about washing up and heading back to Dancers Show Club for an encore, but I ended up turning on the television and passing out on the bed.

Lucas Oil Stadium, just south of downtown Indianapolis.

Part 25: Indianapolis

I left work late on a Friday evening and drove southeast to Indianapolis. I was planning to meet a friend from Ohio, Don, who would be joining me on a trip to South America in February. There were some things that needed to be discussed in person before we met up in Buenos Aires in a few weeks. We would meet up for dinner on Saturday. I finally made it to the Crowne Plaza around 20:00. I checked in and then showered.

I decided to head over to Dancers Show Club around 1am. The club was packed, and I had to sit at the bar to start. Eventually, I moved up to the stage to tip Stella. Eventually two buzzed guys that could not have been older than 21 or 22 sat next to me at the stage. They were at the club with two beautiful young ladies about the same age, presumably their girlfriends. The guys started acting goofy and saying funny things to the dancers. They were rambling nonsensical things to me. There were obviously drunk. One of the girls they were with was an insanely beautiful Hoosier girl. She came over to me and started apologizing for her boyfriend’s drunken behavior in her southern Indiana accent. She was more beautiful than any of the dancers, and her lady friend was pretty good looking too. She would have been quite a treat to take back to the hotel, but I respected the fact that she was in a relationship.

The rest of the night at Dancers was pretty ho-hum, a below average night at DSC. Few of the dancers impressed me, and a lot of their attention went to their regular customers. I closed the club down at 4am and went back to the Crowne Plaza very tired.

Soldiers and Sailors Monument, downtown Indianapolis.

Part 24: East Brunswick

I woke up and walked across the street to the Wawa where I ordered a beef cheesesteak hoagie and a large Dr. Pepper. After eating in the parking lot, I went back to the hotel to get some work done on the computer and watched some college football on the television.

Around four o’clock, I jumped into the traffic jam on NJ 18, snaking into New Brunswick. I parked my rental in a parking garage downtown and found the shuttle bus to High Point Solutions Stadium for the game between the Rutgers Scarlet Knights and the Michigan State Spartans. I did not buy a ticket ahead of time, and was worried I would not get into the stadium since a scalper scene was nonexistent. Luckily, I found a ticket booth and bought a ticket at face value two hours before kickoff.

I sat in the front row of the upper deck. Being early October, the weather even at night was still manageable in short sleeves. People on this part of the East Coast have a reputation for being assholes, s what surprised me was how friendly the local fans were. The Spartans won 31-24 in a close game to remain undefeated.

After the game, I could not find the shuttle that had brought me to the stadium, so I ended up walking about two miles in the dark back to where I parked my car in New Brunswick. I wanted to hit some college bars to see what the Rutgers coeds looked like, but I was so tired and had to be at the airport in Newark in a few hours. I usually ignore my better judgment, but for once I obeyed it. When I got back to the hotel, I walked across the street to the Wawa I had eaten lunch at to get a hot sandwich and a large Dr. Pepper, heavy on the ice. There were a lot of fans from the game in there with the same idea. After eating, I passed out on my bed for a few hours, before waking up and driving north to Newark Liberty International Airport. I had been in New Jersey less than thirty-six hours.

High Point Solutions Stadium, Rutgers University

Part 23: East Brunswick

I had been working like crazy the past few months, so I decided to make a weekend trip to New Jersey to enjoy some drinking, womanizing, and football.

I got out of work early, around noon, and headed to Midway Airport. The Southwest Airlines flight was supposed to depart around 14:30, but rainy weather delayed the flight. Eventually, we boarded the plane and sat over an hour before taking off due to bad storms in New Jersey. I was supposed to be in Newark by 17:30, but arrived three hours late due to the delays. It took me another hour to drive my Chevrolet Malibu rental down the New Jersey Turnpike to my hotel, the Comfort Suites.

After a late dinner at a Burger King, a hamburger on a black bun (special for Halloween), I decided to go looking for some trouble. If I had gotten into town sooner, I would have tried to have found a boardwalk. Since it was late, I was going to settle for a bar. Driving up NJ 35, I saw the large neon lights of Club XXXV, so I decided to check it out.

I was charged $5 to park in a gravel parking lot. When I was extensively searched for weapons at the entrance by a dude that looked like Danny Trejo, I knew this club was going to be ghetto. After a $25 cover due to the club being BYOB, I made it into the club. My admission included a free drink, so I gave the drink ticket to a waitress and told her to get me a Coke. She comes back and tries to charge me $5.

I tell her, “I gave you my drink ticket just a minute ago.” I knew she was trying to play dumb and hustle me.

She gives me a blank stare. I give her a single just so she will go away.

So I had spent $31, and there is absolutely nowhere to sit. The club was packed mostly with young thugs trying to act like they are in a hip hop video. The dancers are mostly Hispanic, black, and Eastern European. The few odd white dancers appear to be Italians from Staten Island.

After standing awkwardly for ten minutes, I chat with a dancer named Coco. She has big fake tits and an ass to match. She is the type of dancer Papi Chulo from TUSCL would lust over. She tried to tell me lap dances cost $30 when they were actually $20, so I corrected her. Since the lap dance area was just a claustrophobic narrow corridor, I opted for the $125 VIP room by the second song. Once the curtain is closed, Coco pulls my jeans down and worships my pork sword. After briefly lap dancing, she puts a jimmy on and takes me in her mouth. She knows what she is doing, and moments later I release what I can no longer hold back.

I take off and head north towards Perth Amboy, but pull off at The Den, just before reaching the bridge over the Raritan. I almost walked in without paying the cover because the door attendant was no paying attention. The club does not serve alcohol, so I ordered a Coke. The big butt Boricua bartender didn’t charge me for my drink, nor the numerous times I asked for a refill. I am not sure if this is standard or she was cutting me a break. She was charging other guys $5 for Costco bottled water. I watched the show at The Den for an hour, but was not overly impressed. The few dancers that I might have gotten a dance from were on lockdown with regulars.

I was insanely tired by this point, having been awake about twenty-one hours. I decided to call it a night and head back to my hotel.

Dancer from Club XXXV

Part 22: Altoona

I woke up and showered. After consulting Google Maps, I was on my way east to State College on US 22. I had a ticket to see the Penn State Nittany Lions play the Michigan State Spartans. Two and a half hours later I arrived in Happy Valley amidst a traffic jam. With the snow on the ground, all of the tailgating fields were closed. I found parking in a parking garage and humped it two miles to Beaver Stadium.

I sat about twenty-two rows up behind the Spartans’ sideline. Then entire stadium was wet with snow and slush. I froze and could not feel my toes by the end of the game. The Spartans ended up retaining the Land Grant Trophy, giving the Nittany Lions a 34-10 beat down on Senior Day in State College.

On the way back to my rental car, I stopped at the Taco Bell on College Avenue for a late lunch or early dinner to eat amongst the Penn State students. Despite the winter clothing, it was evident the 18-to-22-year-old coeds had bangin’ bodies. I almost wished I could go back in time and be a college student again and sample that tang.

All worked up, I decided I needed to sample some of central Pennsylvania’s adult entertainment. I drove to Altoona and found Club Coconuts, a strip club with a goofy tropical island theme to it, just as it was opening up. The club had two different rooms with two different DJ’s. Two dancers would dance at a time in each room. I noticed the eight dancers all were heavily tattooed. This is in line with what I know about women from Altoona. I met a young squid from Naval Station Great Lakes that was from Altoona. She was addicted to ink to ink as well. At age nineteen, she must have already had nineteen tattoos.

I hit it off with one dancer in particular, Melodie. She was around my age and had a nice figure, what I refer to as Sinclair prototype. Not only was she attractive, but fun to chat with; we had a lot in common. While she could have worked the room for tips while she was on stage, she just performed for me solely. I took her to the VIP room for four dances (the most you are allowed to get consecutively at this club). The VIP rooms had windows cut into the walls, allowing the club to make sure nothing sexual happened. Melodie worked her beautiful ass on me in cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. If I didn’t have jeans on, my spaceship might have blasted off. At the end of four songs, she wanted me to hug her—not once, but twice. I think if I had a reason to stick around A-Town, I would have pursued friends with benefits, if not a relationship. I also took a Goth dancer named Svetlana to the VIP room for four songs. Her grind was horrible. I was struggling to get an erection. She talked incessantly. I joked that I was going to shove my cock in her mouth to shut her up, but the humor was lost on her, and she thought I was serious. I tried to track down Melodie for another set of dances, but could not find her. I was about four beers deep and still had about two hours of driving to get back to my hotel, so I took off.

On the way out of Altoona, I stopped at the Sheetz to fill up my gas tank and order a nice hot Philly Cheese Steak. A few of the guys who were at the titty bar also happened to be at Sheetz. I guess there is not much to do in Altoona. On a Saturday night, you go to the only strip club in town, and then grab some grub at Sheetz.

I was too tired to make it all the way back to the Holiday Inn, so I pulled off into the Wal-Mart parking lot in Blairsville to take a nap. A few hours later, I woke up and made it the rest of the way to Monroeville as daylight was breaking. I got a few more hours of sleep and then departed for the airport. The total duration of the weekend trip was just over thirty-six hours.

Beaver Stadium, Pennsylvania State University

Part 21: Pittsburgh

I still had unused travel funds on Southwest Airlines that were expiring in less than a week, so I decided to make a visit to Pennsylvania for the weekend in a last ditch effort to make use of the funds.

I got out of work around 5:30pm, and then headed to Midway Airport for an evening flight to Pittsburgh. The flight was an uneventful hour and twenty minutes. I landed, picked up my bags, picked up a rice burner, and started the drive to the east side of Pittsburgh from the airport, which is a ways west of town. I am very familiar with the Pittsburgh area. Back in 2010, my job flew me out there about a half dozen times to work an assignment. Two tunnels and forty-five minutes later, I pulled into the Holiday Inn in Monroeville and redeemed reward points for two free nights. Angel at the front desk was looking fine as hell.

I took my bags up to the room and took a quick shower. I scanned TUSCL for the nearest adult entertainment option. I was running out of time because I had lost an hour crossing time zones, and the 2am closing time was quickly bearing down. I got lost several times trying to find McKeesport, Pennsylvania. The steel town looked like it had seen better days. I finally found Beemer’s Gentlemen’s Club about midnight. I only had two hours to work with.

After paying a $5 cover, I sat at the bar and ordered an Iron City. The bartender gave me a High Life. I didn’t complain because I just needed a beer after a hard week. After killing the first beer, I asked for another Iron City. The bartender at that point realized that she gave me the wrong type of beer the first time, so the second beer (this time it was an actual Iron City) was on the house. This might have been the first time I ever got a free drink in a strip club. I went to the stage next to take in the talent. For just a dollar tip, the dancers on stage gave you a good gyno close-up. After a while, I realized that most of the dancers were either too old or too thick for me. I had narrowed down my targets to just two dancers: a mixed dancer and a thin blonde dancer.

I went for the mixed dancer who was sitting alone. She had a lot of piercings, including one in each of her cheeks. It was no surprise that her stage name was Dimples. I was feeling pretty horny, as I had worked my ass off the last two weeks and had not seen a naked woman since I was in College Park. I went back for a couple lap dances in a non-private area. They were decent. I dialed up a fifteen minute VIP room session for $90. The VIP rooms were done in little divided rooms with curtains over the entrances. I was hoping for something a little better than a standard lap dance, but there was no difference between the public area and private area in terms of service, at least with Dimples. That is when I saw the name “William” tattooed on Dimples. Obviously, she was married or in a relationship. I wish I would have noticed this earlier because over the years I have noticed dancers that have their pimp/significant other’s name tattooed on them, usually save their kink for their man, not a customer like me.

After a wasted fifteen minutes of my life, two o’clock was quickly approaching. I got another beer before last call. When closing time came, the club didn’t kick people out. They let the remaining customers loiter and finish their drinks. Heck, all of the dancers were dressed and out the front door before I was.

I was really hungry and thirsty for a non-alcoholic beverage at this point in the night. I stopped at Speedway to grab a few Cokes, Grandma’s Cookies, and a bag of Fritos Flavor Twists. I consumed my mini mart feast on the way back to the hotel to fight my buzz.

Arch: a transformer made out of the various bridges of Pittsburgh.