Part 38: Carbondale

I woke up around 10am and walked a little over a mile to Enterprise Rent-A-Car. I got a Ford Fusion and drove south to do some exploring. I went to Metropolis, Illinois first. I stopped into Harrah's Casino to try to make a quick buck on the video poker. After about ten minutes, I figured the payout odds on the video poker machines were not as favorable as my beloved Casino Queen in East St. Louis. I left in search of lunch. I went to the Hardee's Red Burrito and had tacos. Afterwards, I went to the infamous Superman statue to take some photos. Metropolis is the fictional city where the Superman comics take place. Next, I went to Fort Massac State Park to get some exercise as I looked at the reconstruction of the over two hundred year old fort and the Ohio River in flood stage. It started raining, so I jumped back in the car and headed across the river into Kentucky to do more exploring.

I couldn't find much to do or see in Paducah as I drove around in the rain. I decided to go to Club Incognito for an afternoon rain delay, but found the strip club closed. According to Google it was supposed to be open at noon, but apparently the hours had changed. It would not be open until the evening. I hopped on US 60 and drove to Wickliffe. I crossed the Ohio River near its confluence with the Mississippi River and headed into the mostly abandoned town of Cairo, Illinois. Any land not protected by levees was flooded. The water was just a foot or so from swallowing the highway into Cairo. I drove around Cairo photographing the abandoned buildings and vacant main street. It was already late in the afternoon, so I headed north back to Carbondale. I took a shower and got ready for dinner.

I went to a restaurant called Italian Village. I ordered a large pizza and a Coca Cola. I watched some horse races on my smartphone while waiting for my food. It was a decent dinner.

Next, I headed north on US 51 toward De Soto. I stopped at Club Coyote. At 8:45pm, it was dead. The club is a pole barn with a bar and stage in the middle. I really did not find any of the dancers attractive. Every dancer showed baby damage. The best looking female in the club was the blonde, petite shot girl. At least Budweisers were only $3. I could get reentry with the wristband they gave me at the door, so I decided to head up the highway and possibly double back later to see if things got any better.

Next, drove north of De Soto to JB's Showplace. The long building was split into two separate sides. The right side was a regular sports bar for locals, and the left side was a small strip club. Budweisers were a very affordable $2.50. The dancer line-up was slightly better at JB's. A brown-eyed brunette named Candy was just my type. I wanted her. I tipped her generously at the stage. She jumped off the stage and gave me a short lap dance. I wanted to spend my entire wallet on her, but she spent all of her time off stage talking to a couple local farmers who she seemed to know, so that did not happen. A black dancer named Sky was a good second choice, but she hid out in the locker room when she was not on stage. The club did not obey the Smoke-Free Illinois law. Empty cans of Bud Light with the tabs ripped off were all along the bar as makeshift ashtrays. Eventually, the secondhand smoke and frustration from not being able to get lap dances had me departing.

I stopped back at Club Coyote while heading south. There was a college crowd around midnight and more of a party atmosphere, but the subpar dancers had me back in the rental car after slamming another Budweiser. I drove back to Carbondale buzzed. I needed something to sop up the alcohol in my stomach. I made a post-midnight visit to Jimmy John's for a Big John with extra onions. I then turned in for the night at Home2 Suites.

The Superman statue in Metropolis, Illinois.

Part 37: Carbondale

I got off work early, rushed to Union Station, and boarded the southbound Illini at 4pm. It took about five and a half hours to get to my destination at the end of the line: Carbondale, Illinois. Upon arrival, I deboarded and humped it about a block or so to Home2 Suites, an extended stay type of hotel owned by Hilton. The Amtrak worker that worked the cafe car narrowly beat me to the check-in desk.

I showered and then went out to explore downtown Carbondale. The plan was to hit a bar and check out the Saluki coeds. The downtown was pretty dead. I would later find out that winter break was still going on and classes would not restart until Monday. I found a bar called Traxx a few blocks from my hotel that had a decent college crowd. The young females stuck to mixed groups of friends mostly, so sarging was difficult. After a couple of Budweisers, I decided to call it a night. I had started work at 4am in the morning and now had been awake for over twenty hours!

On the way back to the hotel, I stopped at Jimmy John's and had a Big John with extra onions. I then retired to my room and quickly passed out.

Home2 Suites as seen from the Carbondale Amtrak station.

Part 36: Burlington

I woke up on Saturday intending to get a rental car at the local airport, but I got up too late. The local Enterprise location claimed to be out of cars. I ended up renting a Malibu from the local Chevrolet dealer. Next, I went to Taco Bell to try the new Rattlesnake Burrito. After that I hit up the Catfish Bend Casino. I ended up winning a little money on video poker and drank a few free sodas.

After stopping back at the Quality Inn to do some work on my laptop, I drove south down US 61 to Fort Madison. I got to the Ridgewood Lounge II at 7:00pm. It was not well illuminated and hard to spot from the road. When I entered, the bar was dead except for the bartender and two customers. The dancers wouldn’t show up until 9:00pm. For the next two hours, I played pool, played songs on the jukebox, and drank $3 cans of Budweiser. Eventually more people came to the Ridgewood. It seemed this was a hangout for the local young people. When the dancers did begin at 9:00pm, most of the crowd could care less. They were there to shoot pool on one of the five billiard tables and drink, not tip strippers. I saw the two African-American girls that were on my train the previous night stripping. I guessed right that they were strippers. None of the four dancers were overly appealing, so I got in my car and headed back up to Burlington about 10:00pm.

I got a couple burritos at Taco John’s and then went to a bar called the Paddle Wheel Lounge that my Lyft driver, Jeff, had recommended to me the previous night. He was right; the Paddle Wheel was the spot for college-aged women in Burlington. Unfortunately, there were about twice as many guys as girls. I slammed a Budweiser and headed over the Mississippi River to Illinois.

I returned to Charlie’s Angels at 11:00pm. I proceeded to tip the stage heavily and slam $3 cans of Budweiser. Barbie was the star of the show once again, but I did not get a chance to do private dances with her because she was in demand by everyone. A large group of college aged students came in. I’m not going to lie. I had more desire in my eyes for those coeds than many of the dancers. Around 2:00am, a large group of black guys came into the strip club along with an influx of people from the Burlington bars, which were now closing. One black guy was prancing around the club repeating, “I’ll fight. I’ll shoot,” over and over. Since there have been multiple shootings at Gulfport nightlife over the years, I took that as my cue to call it a night and drive back to the Quality Inn.

The Paddle Wheel Lounge.

On the hill is Snake Alley, the crookedest street in the world according to Ripley's Believe It, Or Not!

Part 35: Burlington

I headed down to Union Station in a Lyft after work. The California Zephyr was leaving Chicago at 2pm. I would have liked to have taken mass transit, but was running short on time. I got to Union Station just after 1pm. I hit the busy McDonald’s and went to the Great Hall to assemble in line. When 2pm rolled around, it turned out my train was delayed. I played on my smartphone and made phone calls until the train was finally ready about 5:40pm. I lined up to catch my train, and there were two young black women in line behind me. Both were wearing leggings and got on the same car as me. Since the train was already late, the Amtrak crew hustled everyone onboard, and the train lurched out of Chicago at 5:53pm.

I enjoyed the scenery heading west towards Iowa, but did not enjoy the smell. A Mennonite sat in the row behind me and reeked of body odor. I do not think Mennonites use deodorant. We finally got to Burlington a little after 9pm. Interestingly, the two black girls got off at the same stop. They definitely gave off a stripper vibe. I left the Amtrak station and walked across town to the Quality Inn on US 61 on the icy sidewalks. It was a three mile walk that took about an hour.

I checked in and got my room on the first floor at the end of the hallway. I used Choice Privilege points for a free two night stay. I showered, then ordered a Lyft to pick me up at the hotel. About 11:15pm, a local named Jeff in an Audi A6 picked me up. I could not believe a guy would be using such a nice car for ridesharing. I told him to take me to Charlie’s Angels on the Illinois side of the Mississippi River. Charlie’s Angels was the last remaining strip club in Gulfport, Illinois. At one point, this little river town had five strip clubs. The Mississippi River flooding in 2008 played a big role in thinning the herd.

Charlie’s Angels was a decent club if you lower your expectations being that it is in a rural area. There was no cover charge and cans of Budweiser were $3. Stage tipping yielded dancers hopping over the rail and giving a lap dance right on the floor. This was good value. I had my eyes on Barbie, but she was in high demand as she was clearly the cream of the crop here. The clientele started getting more ghetto approaching 2:00am as the bars closed in Iowa and everyone congregated over on the Illinois side at Charlie’s Angels. The club stays open until 6:00am.

About 2:00am I called a taxi and had him take me to the Perkins in Iowa. I was hungry and had not eaten in over twelve hours. I had the fish and chips. It was not worth the money paid, but Perkins might have been the only twenty-four hour restaurant open in Burlington. At least there was a girl’s softball team at the next table to stare at. About 3:00am I jogged down an abandoned Highway 61 back to the Quality Inn.

The California Zephyr.

The train station in Burlington, Iowa.

Part 34: East St. Louis

I woke up Saturday morning well-rested. I went to the buffet in the casino for a free early lunch. Afterwards, I went back to the video poker machines, thinking I could keep winning more money. I had done well the previous night and in February after all. My luck ran out, and I ended up losing most of what I had profited the previous night. I next decided to get some exercise by walking around the property. I walked out to the campground on the far end. There were only a couple motorhomes parked out there in mid-April. I came back through the truck parking lot and back to my hotel room.

I did not want to eat at the Market Street Buffet for a third straight meal, so I got washed up and headed across the Mississippi River to Soulard for dinner. I went to The Biergarten at the Budweiser brewery. I enjoyed some fresh Budweiser from the tap and ate a smoked pork sandwich. I went over to the gift shop to buy more Budweiser pilsner glasses for my bar set-up back home, but they had stopped manufacturing the particular style I was looking for, which included red tinted glass at the base and red writing on the side, in just the past two months. I walked around Soulard for awhile and then went back to my hotel.

In the evening, I decided to go to Centreville to see how the strip club scene had changed. I had not clubbed in Centreville in five years. I first went to the newly opened Club Onyx. It occupied a building that housed a series of strip clubs: Centerfolds Cabaret, Pyramid of Pleasure, and most recently the short-lived Hollywood Hunt Club. I went in at 10:30pm, walking through a metal detector. The cover charge was $10 and a Budweiser was only $3, cheap for a strip club. The club was not yet busy. All of the dancers and staff were African-American, and 96% of the clientele was as well. The waitresses were very accomodating. A slim black dancer from Chicago, Amillion, came to my table. I bought her a shot from the shot girl for $6 and we talked a little. She started twerking on my crotch for about two minutes at my table fully clothed. I gave her $15 as a tip, but she started berating me and said I needed to tip her more. I didn't even ask her to dance for me in the first place. She was just too full of herself. When I tipped other dancers at the stage, they seemed to be genuinely grateful. The club finally started to get a crowd around midnight. I do not think I would return to Club Onyx as it was not my cup of tea, but it was still interesting to check out.

I went across the street to PT’s about 12:30am. The club was packed and looked just as I remembered it. The cover charge was $10 and a Budweiser was $6.25. I was out $16.25 before I even threw a dollar on the stage. The private dance prices are outrageous here, so most guys just watched the stage show. What make the PT’s in Centreville unique is that it caters to swingers. There is an elevated, curtained off area of the club that only couples are allowed in. About a third of the club’s square footage is dedicated to the swingers. From the shadows cast behind the curtains, I could make out women giving men blowjobs in plain sight of all of the other swingers.

After an hour and a half, I decided I was going to get a late night snack and then go to bed. I drove to the Jack In The Box in Collinsville, which I knew was open twenty-four hours. As I drove into the drive through, the voice on the other end said they were closed. In reality, I saw two employees sitting in a booth talking in a dark restaurant. They were being lazy, and I made a note to call the franchise owner and report they were turning away customers. I did not know of any other late night places to eat other than Waffle House, so I drove back to Casino Queen and went to Deli & Chips, the snack bar inside the Casino that stays open all night. I got a corned beef sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, then retired to my room for the night.

The Gateway Arch and downtown St. Louis behind Casino Queen.

Part 33: East St. Louis

I got a flyer in my mailbox from Casino Queen in East St. Louis offering me two free nights in their hotel, $50 in dining money, and free casino credits. I had not been to Casino Queen since February when I was in St. Louis for Mardi Gras weekend and ended up cycling thousands of dollars through the video poker machines that weekend. I called the hotel and asked if they would let me redeem the free hotel nights on a Friday and Saturday night. Surprisingly they gave me free hotel over a weekend when the rates typically go up. The Cardinals were not in town over the weekend, so that probably helped.

I left work around noon and drove south down I-55. I made it almost the whole way before needing to fill up with gas. At the gas station I picked up a tall can of Stag. I made it to the casino’s hotel and checked in. The hotel was nice, but maybe a little bit less than what I had envisioned in my mind. Since I was done driving for the day, I cracked the can of Stag and guzzled it while walking around the parking lot. I finished the last sips as I walked into the casino.

The first thing I did was redeem some of my dining credit for a free dinner buffet. After eating I went to the video poker machines to make some money. After a couple hours of playing and sucking down free Dr. Peppers, I was ahead over $260 when I decided to take a break and go back to the hotel. I thought about washing up and going across the river to some bars or hitting a few strip clubs on the Illinois side. I laid down on the bed for a nap since I had been awake since 4am. I did not wake up until the next morning.

My tallboy of Stag Beer.

Part 32: Davenport

On Saturday, I got up and checked out of the hotel. I went down to the John Deere Pavilion, the world’s largest agricultural museum, in Moline around 10am. The building was packed with children that must’ve been part of some summer camp group. After about an hour checking out the tractors, I walked a block to get lunch at Bierstube, a well-known German restaurant in the Quad Cities.

Bierstube was just opening. I opted to sit out on the patio to enjoy the sunny day. My waitress was a friendly young lady named Serene who I’d guess was around 21. She had a number of tattoos and and amazing figure hidden by a t-shirt and jean shorts. She was easily the best looking woman I have seen in the last month. I ordered an appetizer, a reuben, and a Dr. Pepper. The portion sizes were generous, so I probably could have just settled for the sandwich.

Next I went over to Jumer’s to play some video poker. When I lived in the area, the casino was on a boat on the Mississippi River and I had never actually visited it. The casino is now on land a couple miles from its original location. I had a subpar gambling session at Jumer’s, so i decided to go to the casino that I spent the most time at and won the at: Rhythm City Casino. On the way, I stopped by Modern Woodmen Park to pick up a River Bandits baseball cap. The stadium does not have a fan shop that can be accessed from the outside, so the manager of the franchise escorted me into the empty baseball stadium and opened up the fan shop on the concourse just so I could purchase a hat. What a nice gesture.

Next I walked over to the Davenport Skybridge. This is a glass walkway that used to be a pedestrian bridge from downtown Davenport to the Rhythm City Casino. The casino has been moved off of the Mississippi River and is now on land near the intersection of I-80 and I-74. The skybridge now serves as an observation deck for the Quad Cities. I followed the bridge into downtown Davenport and ended up in a bar called The Starting Line. I drank a few Budweisers and escaped the heat.

Around 5pm, I went to Tuxedos Show Club after stopping at a liquor store to pick up a tallboy of Bud Light. The club was pretty dead and had a funky smell like there was mold growing on the carpeting. All four dancers were pretty nasty. The best was a 4 on a 10-point scale. I guzzled my beer and headed out. The next stop was the Comfort Inn & Suites on the north end of town. The hotel was right next door to Daisy Dooks and across the street from a Flying J truckstop. In fact, my hotel room window looked out right across the parking lot at the strip club. I’d definitely be walking over later.

I showered, relaxed, and then headed for dinner around 8pm. I went to the Iowa 80 Kitchen in Walcott, Iowa. Iowa 80 is the largest truckstop in the world with 900 parking spots for big rigs. I had spent a significant amount of time at the truck stop in my younger days and had become friends with the Peel family, the family that runs the Iowa 80 Kitchen. I ordered the pork cutlet, but it was not as good as I had remembered. The fries were as subpar as they always had been, and it was my fault for ordering them instead of a better side. I walked around the chrome shop after dinner to pick out a few needed accessories and then departed back to my hotel in Davenport.

After parking, I walked across the street to the Flying J and bought a six-pack of Budweiser cans, then proceeded to the entrance of Daisy Dooks. I was denied entry at the door because I was wearing a muscle shirt on a hot August night. I walked back to the hotel to put a button-up shirt on. When I finally got inside Daisy Dooks, it was packed. There were five bachelor parties present. The main focus for most of the clientele seemed to be tipping the stage, since private dances are overpriced and not that private. Dancers seemed to make $150 to $200 in singles every stage rotation. The talent was better looking than the two other strip clubs I had visited this weekend. At one point a fight broke out between a bachelor party and a group of farmers. The bouncers separated them and threw out the farmers so the bachelor party could stay and continue spending money. About five minutes later, the two groups were fighting again out in the parking lot. Every bouncer ran out of the club to stop the fight before someone got seriously hurt on the property. The excitement did not end there. Two strippers started yelling at each other and got into a catfight. I got up out of my chair to egg them on. Two other strippers and a bouncer were able to finally separate them. I consumed my entire six-pack and left tired just before the 4am closing time.

Daisy Dooks from my hotel window.

Part 31: Rock Island

I decided to take a weekend trip to a metropolitan area where I lived and worked in what seems like another lifetime: the Quad Cities. I left work around noon. On my way into Moline, I passed by Quad City Downs. The former horse track was completely abandoned. I had only been inside once when it was still operating as an OTB. The last time a horse race occurred was September 6, 1993. I arrived at the Holiday Inn in downtown Rock Island around 4pm. I checked in, took a shower, and decided to take a stroll around downtown.

TUSCL said there was a strip club The Body Shop just a few blocks from my hotel. I showed up at the address to find a closed nightclub called JR’s. A quick internet search on my smartphone told me the strip club had closed down in August of 2016 and then changed format to a gay nightclub. It seems the gay nightclub went under and now all that remains is yet another empty storefront in downtown Rock Island. At one time, Rock Island had three strip clubs: The Body Shop, Jolly Roger Lounge, and The Tiger’s Den.

I stopped at a restaurant and bar called Gunchie’s for dinner. I ordered a Budweiser and a large pizza with onions. The bartender was shocked when I consumed the entire pizza. I got a second Budweiser to wash it all down. Next, I walked back to my hotel via The District, an area of bars and restaurants on 2nd Street. Nothing piqued my interest, so I kept walking.

Next, I decided to go to Southern Comfort Lounge on the other side of the Mississippi River by the Davenport Airport. Since the strip club is BYOB, I stopped at the BP gas station just a block from the establishment to buy two tallboys of Budweiser. At 8pm, there were only three dancers, but by 9pm, there were about fifteen working. Dancers were pretty average looking, but got completely nude on stage. The few customers inside seemed to be content just drinking and throwing an occasional tip. I enjoyed sipping my beers for an hour and a half, then decided to call it an early night. I had been up since four in the morning.

The Centennial Bridge between Rock Island, Illinois and Davenport, Iowa.