Part 36: Burlington

I woke up on Saturday intending to get a rental car at the local airport, but I got up too late. The local Enterprise location claimed to be out of cars. I ended up renting a Malibu from the local Chevrolet dealer. Next, I went to Taco Bell to try the new Rattlesnake Burrito. After that I hit up the Catfish Bend Casino. I ended up winning a little money on video poker and drank a few free sodas.

After stopping back at the Quality Inn to do some work on my laptop, I drove south down US 61 to Fort Madison. I got to the Ridgewood Lounge II at 7:00pm. It was not well illuminated and hard to spot from the road. When I entered, the bar was dead except for the bartender and two customers. The dancers wouldn’t show up until 9:00pm. For the next two hours, I played pool, played songs on the jukebox, and drank $3 cans of Budweiser. Eventually more people came to the Ridgewood. It seemed this was a hangout for the local young people. When the dancers did begin at 9:00pm, most of the crowd could care less. They were there to shoot pool on one of the five billiard tables and drink, not tip strippers. I saw the two African-American girls that were on my train the previous night stripping. I guessed right that they were strippers. None of the four dancers were overly appealing, so I got in my car and headed back up to Burlington about 10:00pm.

I got a couple burritos at Taco John’s and then went to a bar called the Paddle Wheel Lounge that my Lyft driver, Jeff, had recommended to me the previous night. He was right; the Paddle Wheel was the spot for college-aged women in Burlington. Unfortunately, there were about twice as many guys as girls. I slammed a Budweiser and headed over the Mississippi River to Illinois.

I returned to Charlie’s Angels at 11:00pm. I proceeded to tip the stage heavily and slam $3 cans of Budweiser. Barbie was the star of the show once again, but I did not get a chance to do private dances with her because she was in demand by everyone. A large group of college aged students came in. I’m not going to lie. I had more desire in my eyes for those coeds than many of the dancers. Around 2:00am, a large group of black guys came into the strip club along with an influx of people from the Burlington bars, which were now closing. One black guy was prancing around the club repeating, “I’ll fight. I’ll shoot,” over and over. Since there have been multiple shootings at Gulfport nightlife over the years, I took that as my cue to call it a night and drive back to the Quality Inn.

The Paddle Wheel Lounge.

On the hill is Snake Alley, the crookedest street in the world according to Ripley's Believe It, Or Not!

Part 35: Burlington

I headed down to Union Station in a Lyft after work. The California Zephyr was leaving Chicago at 2pm. I would have liked to have taken mass transit, but was running short on time. I got to Union Station just after 1pm. I hit the busy McDonald’s and went to the Great Hall to assemble in line. When 2pm rolled around, it turned out my train was delayed. I played on my smartphone and made phone calls until the train was finally ready about 5:40pm. I lined up to catch my train, and there were two young black women in line behind me. Both were wearing leggings and got on the same car as me. Since the train was already late, the Amtrak crew hustled everyone onboard, and the train lurched out of Chicago at 5:53pm.

I enjoyed the scenery heading west towards Iowa, but did not enjoy the smell. A Mennonite sat in the row behind me and reeked of body odor. I do not think Mennonites use deodorant. We finally got to Burlington a little after 9pm. Interestingly, the two black girls got off at the same stop. They definitely gave off a stripper vibe. I left the Amtrak station and walked across town to the Quality Inn on US 61 on the icy sidewalks. It was a three mile walk that took about an hour.

I checked in and got my room on the first floor at the end of the hallway. I used Choice Privilege points for a free two night stay. I showered, then ordered a Lyft to pick me up at the hotel. About 11:15pm, a local named Jeff in an Audi A6 picked me up. I could not believe a guy would be using such a nice car for ridesharing. I told him to take me to Charlie’s Angels on the Illinois side of the Mississippi River. Charlie’s Angels was the last remaining strip club in Gulfport, Illinois. At one point, this little river town had five strip clubs. The Mississippi River flooding in 2008 played a big role in thinning the herd.

Charlie’s Angels was a decent club if you lower your expectations being that it is in a rural area. There was no cover charge and cans of Budweiser were $3. Stage tipping yielded dancers hopping over the rail and giving a lap dance right on the floor. This was good value. I had my eyes on Barbie, but she was in high demand as she was clearly the cream of the crop here. The clientele started getting more ghetto approaching 2:00am as the bars closed in Iowa and everyone congregated over on the Illinois side at Charlie’s Angels. The club stays open until 6:00am.

About 2:00am I called a taxi and had him take me to the Perkins in Iowa. I was hungry and had not eaten in over twelve hours. I had the fish and chips. It was not worth the money paid, but Perkins might have been the only twenty-four hour restaurant open in Burlington. At least there was a girl’s softball team at the next table to stare at. About 3:00am I jogged down an abandoned Highway 61 back to the Quality Inn.

The California Zephyr.

The train station in Burlington, Iowa.